Worthy of Love

Have you ever fallen into the trap of believing that your worth comes from your works? I have. I’ve tried so hard to mold myself into that cookie cutter image of the perfect Military Wife and mother that I’ve literally put myself on my knees. I let myself fall into the trap of thinking that I HAD to volunteer with the FRG, MOPS, PWOC, and a handful of other charities. I HAD to bake cakes from scratch shaped like yellow ribbons for welcome home ceremonies. I was Army Wife Barbie complete with perfectly coiffed hair, and a double strand of pearls, bravely holding her family together and serving her community while her husband served his country.

If you find yourself falling into that trap ask yourself, why are you doing it? Are you doing it because you love to serve others? Are you doing it to prove your worth to yourself or to others? I have to admit that I was doing it because I thought I had to. I do love to serve others, and love to glorify God with my actions and service. However I wasn’t thinking about glorifying the Father when I did these things. I was thinking how nice it was to be appreciated, but at the same time I knew that what I was doing was for myself and not for others. I knew that the other wives were marvelling at my ability to do it all. I was looking to others to decide my worth and fulfill my need to be loved. Needless to say this did not work out well. I overloaded myself trying to prove my worth to everyone and to myself until I crumbled under the pressure and the weight.

It was as I was lying on a hospital bed trying to recover from my first ever anxiety attack that I realized where I had gone wrong. I was looking for others to tell me that I was worth loving. My worth never came from how many cakes I baked, or how many FRG functions I stepped up to run. I was a whitewashed tomb. On the outside I looked like everything a military wife should be. But inside, I was empty, and it was this emptiness that I tried in vain to fill. As I lay on that bed I knew that the only thing that would fill that emptiness inside of me was God’s love.

I am not worthy of His love but he gives it to me anyway, just as He gives it to each one of you. I was reminded of this at a program night at the chapel. The ladies who planned the event had set up a small white tent in the banquet hall. We were asked to enter the tent and look into a mirror placed against the wall and think about ourselves. It was easy to find the flaws when I looked in the mirror. A hair out of place here, a wrinkle in my slacks there. It was then that my eyes fell on the scripture versus printed and placed around the room. Verses like 1 Peter 2:9 “But you are a special people, a holy nation, priests and kings, a people given up completely to God, so that you may make clear the virtues of him who took you out of the dark into the light of heaven”, and 1 John 4:9 “And the love of God was made clear to us when he sent his only Son into the world so that we might have life through him.” It was after I read these versus that I looked into the mirror again and saw myself in a whole new light.

God loves me. He loves ME. I am unworthy of His love and nothing I do will every change that. But nothing I ever do will take away His love for me either. I can neither deserve it, or do anything to diminish it. . I challenge each and every one of you to look into a mirror today. For once, don’t look at your flaws, but try to see yourself through His eyes. Remember, you are a beloved of God. A Daughter of The King and loved with an unconditional love so strong that He sacrificed His only son for YOUR salvation. Even if you were the only person who would benefit from this, He still would have done it. You mean that much to Him. Finally I want you to ask yourself, if He can love you, isn’t it time that you loved yourself too? Stop defining yourself by the standards of the world and live your life with the knowledge that you are a beloved daughter of God and you nothing you do will ever stop Him from loving you.